Category Archives: Ramblings

“I want to die but I don’t want to die”

Posted on January 4, 2024 by florencejoy

I have heard the words spoken, “I want to die but I don’t want to die”, by an autistic young person. I have listened to thoughts around having a preoccupation with the idea of death and dying. And of course, … Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged actually-autistic, ASD, autism, autistic, autistic-diagnosis, early-diagnosis, mental health, suicide, suicide-prevention | Leave a comment

Whisperings of You…

Posted on September 25, 2021 by florencejoy

Found this little self-portrait that our boy drew in Bubbles, his old children’s group at church – aged about 3 ☺️ It’s almost his 8th birthday but it was eight years ago today that I had a bit of a shock … Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings, Toby | Tagged Childhood development, medical issues, motherhood, overcoming, Paediatrics, parenting, premature birth, waters breaking early, waters broke | Leave a comment

Just a little slump…

Posted on May 13, 2021 by florencejoy

The truth is that the last little while has felt good. I have felt good. I was much relieved to know that what I was experiencing after mum died was exactly what it should have been – grief – & … Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged bereavement, Christianity, communion with God, faith, grief, healing, Let love in, loss, Love of the father, mental health, mental health awareness, open hearts, Opening up, relationship not religion, Self acceptance, unfolding | Leave a comment

I Come to the Garden Alone – a remembrance of my beautiful mother… Shuna Jean Jeffries, 21st July 1945 – 19th June 2020

Posted on February 19, 2021 by florencejoy

And He became her Beloved. And she knew she was His…..And so I know, when I read the beautiful words to this song, that these are exactly the words that her heart sang each morning and especially on those mornings when she would let her bare feet feel the morning dew on the grass. Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged beauty in nature, beloved, bereavement, Christianity, communion with God, deniece williams, faith, garden, grace, heaven, hope, i come to the garden alone, intimacy, knowing Jesus, loss, morning dew, motherhood, prayer, quiet time, remembrance, role model, shuna jeffries, widowhood | Leave a comment

Stream of consciousness: lingering questions, temporary distractions, cracked conversations, fear & firsts. It’s okay not to be okay…

Posted on September 17, 2020 by florencejoy

I get it. Perhaps more now than ever. That need or temptation to numb the pain; of considering things that would help you escape what you are feeling, of allowing the pain to be felt and travelled through. I find … Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged bereavement, death, faith, fear, grief, loss, mental health, motherhood, mothers, pain | Leave a comment

Even after…

Posted on September 4, 2020 by florencejoy

Mum’s death still hurts so much. It has now been eleven weeks since she died, suddenly and unexpectedly. We were not prepared. I have been busying myself with a to-do list at her house. There’s a long enough to-do list … Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged anti-depressants, bereavement, death, family, grief, hope, loss, mental health, pain, therapy | Leave a comment

Is God enough?

Posted on March 23, 2019 by florencejoy

“As these things are being stripped back and the gaping wound being seen for what it really is – and the loss felt rather more acutely than I was able to process as a child – I am faced with the question: Is God enough for me? Is He enough for my pain? Is He enough for this life?” Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged bereavement, childhood bereavement, childhood grief, Childhood loss, Christianity, counselling, death, depression, faith, fear, fulfilment, grace, grief, hope, hopelessness, Jesus, life, longing, loss, pain, psychotherapy, suffering, talk therapy, therapy, trust | Leave a comment

Mummy’s Sad Day – a short story

Posted on October 10, 2018 by florencejoy

Earlier in the year I wrote a short story for my children, to try to provide some comfort & explanation for a difficult season I was going through. I share it today for World Mental Health Day and hope it … Continue reading →

Posted in Poems, Ramblings | Tagged bereavement, Books about feelings, children, Children's counselling, Children's emotions, children's feelings, Children's mental health, Children's story, dealing with grief, dealing with loss, death, depression, family, family mental health, grief, losing someone, Losing something, loss, mental health, mum of three, mummy's sad, Mummy's sad day, parental mental health, parenting, Pastoral care, sadness, short story, stories for children, World mental health day, World Mental Health Day 2018, worldmentalhealthday, worldmentalhealthday2018, writing about grief | Leave a comment

With Love – On World Mental Health Day 2018

Posted on October 10, 2018 by florencejoy

I have experienced episodes of depression. Although they have, at times, felt random – as if they’ve come out of nowhere – I have learned that there is always a trigger for me, as well as a source. For me, my … Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged anti-depressants, bereavement, brokenness, Christians and mental health, counselling, darkness, death, depression, despair, faith, grief, healing, hope, intimacy, intimacy with God, loss, Medication, melancholy, mental health, open heart, openness, pain, prayer, sadness, seasons of sadness, sharing, therapy, transparency, Trauma, Vulnerability, wholeness, World mental health day, World Mental Health Day 2018, worldmentalhealthday, worldmentalhealthday2018 | Leave a comment

Baby Loss Awareness Week 2018

Posted on October 10, 2018 by florencejoy

This week, from Tuesday 9th until Monday 15th October, is Baby Loss Awareness Week. What a tender – and for some very painful – subject; and often we are so awkward in broaching conversations around these things. We often don’t … Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged baby loss, baby loss awareness, baby loss awareness week, BLAW2018, grief, infant loss, loss, miscarriage, missed miscarriage, motherhood, stillbirth | Leave a comment

God Calling / Draw Aside

Posted on May 16, 2018 by florencejoy

“Other times I sense that busyness & activity turn to drivenness & I lose my sense of ease & rest in the process: “the unforced rhythms of grace”, as The Message version so beautifully translates part of Matthew 11:20-30.

Sometimes our busyness & activity is actually avoidance.” Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged activity, Avoidance, avoiding God, avoiding intimacy, being brave, bravery, busyness, calling, Christianity, cup of tea, draw aside, driven state, drivenness, faith, God calling, God time, God's voice, Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit within, ignoring God, ignoring God's call, ignoring God's voice, intimacy, intimacy with God, listening, me and God time, me time, mental health, mental health awareness, mental health awareness week, mental health awareness week 2018, Mental wellbeing, my burden is light, my yoke is easy, quiet time, rest, tea time, Two listeners, unforced rhythms of grace | Leave a comment

Open Your Heart / Invitation Only / Fearing To Thrive

Posted on May 2, 2018 by florencejoy

“But what else can play in to our failure to thrive? What about fearing to thrive?

What if life’s blows have actually caused us to retreat back in to that closed bud? – that even when the opportunity and breathing space in between life’s trying times and circumstances arises, all attempts at opening up are thwarted by our own fears?

Fear is a killer. Fear can paralyse us, can’t it? Fear is like an industrial strength weed-killer, that kills everything it touches: it doesn’t discriminate between beauty or bramble, flower or thorn. It will go for everything and in our own lives it will eventually lead to shut-down.” Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged blossoming, breakthrough, Christianity, deliverance, endurance, faith, faithfulness, flourishing, God, God's faithfulness, God's invitation, God's love, God's Word, grace, grief, growth, hardship, hurt, Jesus, open heart, open your heart, openness, pain, patience, progress, struggle, Vulnerability | Leave a comment

Something New / Open Your Heart

Posted on April 29, 2018 by florencejoy

“I’m letting Jesus in to that place. I am voicing it. I am inviting Him. He is going there because I have asked Him to, I have allowed Him to. We are going there together.

And He is doing something new.” Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged Christianity, faith, fear, God's work, healing, hiding, hope, Jesus, life, liminality, new life, open your heart, openness, pain, relationship with Jesus, renewal, restoration, Resurrection, something new, speech, stillness, stillness of His presence, transformation | Leave a comment

Seeing & Feeling / Head to Heart

Posted on April 23, 2018 by florencejoy

“Here we are, spring is literally springing up all around us. Blossom graces our trees, previously bare through winter’s seeming sleep. Fresh shoots continue to appear and many are now bringing forth colour and shape, texture and contrast. There are signs of life appearing all around: it cannot be denied; it is there for all to see; it is obvious and real and true….

….And yet my heart does not yet sing with the reality I see before me. I feel, as yet, unable to fully embrace the life that I see, the life that I know, the life that I cannot deny. The connection is not yet there. There still remains a numbness; the ground of my heart and soul still thawing after winter’s frost.

My faith feels thin. And yet I know what I know.” Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged abundance, belief, Christianity, death, depression, faith, future, grief, hope, life, life after death, new life, numb, pain, religion, Resurrection, seasons, spring, struggle, substantial faith, thin faith | Leave a comment

Making Space For Grace…

Posted on April 17, 2018 by florencejoy

“But I know that recovery is possible, restoration is possible, renewal is possible, redemption is possible, resurrection is possible.

I know I can be found again. Not by any wishful thinking that any of our past can be undone. It can’t. We must grieve our pasts and move on.

But we can be found again at the cross of Christ. We can be found again as sons and daughters of God, our Father. We can be found again because of what God made possible: when He came to earth as man, to walk with us and suffer with us, and suffer for us, paying the penalty of our sin and not-good-enough-ness and making a way through death and back to life again.

I will not find myself by pining for a person I may feel I once was. But I can be made new in Christ by facing up to myself – all the ugly bits, all the rotten bits, all the sinful, shameful bits, all the bits that have tried and failed and fallen short, all the bits that wished they weren’t, all the painful bits – the bits that really hurt – all the hidden and buried and dark and locked away bits. If I can see myself as I truly am and if I can truly face up to my own fears, failures, neediness, inadequacy and dependence – and relinquish control, relinquish independence – then I may be able to enter in to all that God has for me. Then I may be able to make space for His grace.”

“It is time. It is time for life. It is time for freedom. It is time for healing, for grace, for resurrection power. It is time for acknowledging my need of Jesus. It is time for laying down my foolish pride. It is time for repentance. It is time to stop hiding. It is time for fear to flee. It is time to let God in, to let Jesus in, to let His life-giving, death-overcoming, freedom-bringing, power-releasing Spirit in.” Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged abundance, barren, battered, Beauty from ashes, beauty in the broken, being silenced, breaking the silence, breathless, brokenness, children of God, Christianity, control, controlling relationship, death, depression, desert, desert place, desperation, expression, faith, Father God, fear, finding my voice, finding peace, forgiveness, freedom, frozen, future, God, God as Father, God's love, grace, grace of God, healing, hope, hopelessness, hurts, identity, intimacy, Jesus, joy, life, loss, loss of self, made new, neediness, new life, numb, pain, past, past wounds, present, present hope, pride, redemption, relationships, religion, renewal, restoration, Resurrection, strength, suffocating, survival, survival mode, the cross, trapped, truth, Vulnerability, wake up o sleeper, weakness, wholeness, wounded | Leave a comment

Yuletide Offering – Trussell Trust fundraiser

Posted on December 20, 2017 by florencejoy

Help me raise money for the UK’s hungry this Christmas! Please buy and download my very first Christmas song! This Christmas season – from now until 6th January 2018 – I would like the proceeds of this song I wrote … Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings, Songs | Tagged Bandcamp, Charity, Charity song, Christmas, Christmas resources, Christmas song, church resources, Food bank, Food banks, Foodbank, Foodbanks, Fundraising, Fundraising initiative, Giving, lyric video, offering, poem, song, Stop UK hunger, The Trussell Trust, Trussell Trust, YouTube, YouTube video, Yuletide, Yuletide offering | Leave a comment

Our Heavenly Father’s legacy to us: Freedom!

Posted on November 12, 2015 by florencejoy

The following came to me as a word of encouragement & exhortation to someone I know & care about. I share it here in the hope that it may speak to someone else reading this, too. I think we could … Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged adventure, breathing difficulties, Christianity, direction, eternity, faith, freedom, God's presence, guidance, Heavenly Father, illumination, Jesus, legacy, life, light, perspective, religion, risk, space, Spirit, spirituality, truth, vision, Way | Leave a comment

There are fairies at the bottom of our garden…

Posted on May 20, 2015 by florencejoy

My daughter, Isobel, has been invited to a Fairy Garden Day at nursery tomorrow. They have been basing all their learning on fairies over the last few weeks. My Nana (mum’s mum) used to sing a song called, ‘There are … Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged Adobe Voice, children, creativity, fairies, fairy garden party, nursery, parenting, poem, poetry, Rose Fyleman, song, There are fairies at the bottom of our garden | Leave a comment

The Pearl of Great Price…

Posted on May 15, 2015 by florencejoy

I’ve recorded another of my poems for you to listen to, whilst being able to read along, using my new-found discovery of Adobe Voice… Hope you enjoy it! You can read my other poems by clicking the ‘poems’ tab along … Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged abide, daily bread, faith, freedom, hidden treasure, Jesus, life, longing, more, poetry, remain, rest, secret place, spirituality, spoken word, the pearl of great price, treasure | Leave a comment

Still More…

Posted on May 14, 2015 by florencejoy

So, I had another go at recording one of my poems on Adobe Voice. This one is not a particularly comfortable read, not exactly ‘easy listening’… I wrote it 8 years ago now, so at a different point in my … Continue reading →