Tag Archives: death

Stream of consciousness: lingering questions, temporary distractions, cracked conversations, fear & firsts. It’s okay not to be okay…

Posted on September 17, 2020 by florencejoy

I get it. Perhaps more now than ever. That need or temptation to numb the pain; of considering things that would help you escape what you are feeling, of allowing the pain to be felt and travelled through. I find … Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged bereavement, death, faith, fear, grief, loss, mental health, motherhood, mothers, pain | Leave a comment

Even after…

Posted on September 4, 2020 by florencejoy

Mum’s death still hurts so much. It has now been eleven weeks since she died, suddenly and unexpectedly. We were not prepared. I have been busying myself with a to-do list at her house. There’s a long enough to-do list … Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged anti-depressants, bereavement, death, family, grief, hope, loss, mental health, pain, therapy | Leave a comment

Is God enough?

Posted on March 23, 2019 by florencejoy

“As these things are being stripped back and the gaping wound being seen for what it really is – and the loss felt rather more acutely than I was able to process as a child – I am faced with the question: Is God enough for me? Is He enough for my pain? Is He enough for this life?” Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged bereavement, childhood bereavement, childhood grief, Childhood loss, Christianity, counselling, death, depression, faith, fear, fulfilment, grace, grief, hope, hopelessness, Jesus, life, longing, loss, pain, psychotherapy, suffering, talk therapy, therapy, trust | Leave a comment

Mummy’s Sad Day – a short story

Posted on October 10, 2018 by florencejoy

Earlier in the year I wrote a short story for my children, to try to provide some comfort & explanation for a difficult season I was going through. I share it today for World Mental Health Day and hope it … Continue reading →

Posted in Poems, Ramblings | Tagged bereavement, Books about feelings, children, Children's counselling, Children's emotions, children's feelings, Children's mental health, Children's story, dealing with grief, dealing with loss, death, depression, family, family mental health, grief, losing someone, Losing something, loss, mental health, mum of three, mummy's sad, Mummy's sad day, parental mental health, parenting, Pastoral care, sadness, short story, stories for children, World mental health day, World Mental Health Day 2018, worldmentalhealthday, worldmentalhealthday2018, writing about grief | Leave a comment

With Love – On World Mental Health Day 2018

Posted on October 10, 2018 by florencejoy

I have experienced episodes of depression. Although they have, at times, felt random – as if they’ve come out of nowhere – I have learned that there is always a trigger for me, as well as a source. For me, my … Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged anti-depressants, bereavement, brokenness, Christians and mental health, counselling, darkness, death, depression, despair, faith, grief, healing, hope, intimacy, intimacy with God, loss, Medication, melancholy, mental health, open heart, openness, pain, prayer, sadness, seasons of sadness, sharing, therapy, transparency, Trauma, Vulnerability, wholeness, World mental health day, World Mental Health Day 2018, worldmentalhealthday, worldmentalhealthday2018 | Leave a comment

My Little Love

Posted on October 10, 2018 by florencejoy

I bought for you an olive tree Your ashes to scatter round But haven’t found the courage yet To plant it in the ground I wanted a sense of permanence To give you your very own place To be able … Continue reading →

Posted in Poems | Tagged adalia, baby loss, baby loss awareness, baby loss awareness week, BLAW2018, death, Emmanuel, god is my refuge, God with us, heaven, Heavenly Father's Arms, hope, hope of heaven, infant loss, loss, memory tree, miscarriage, missed miscarriage, olive tree, peace, poem, poetry, prayer, stillbirth | Leave a comment

Finding Life…

Posted on May 16, 2018 by florencejoy

I see the cross
A new day dawns
Rising from death
The whole earth yawns
It’s waking up
Life’s stretching out
Faith’s unfurling
Outgrowing doubt Continue reading →

Posted in Poems | Tagged Christianity, cross of christ, death, faith, freedom, God's love, healing, heaven, hope, joy, life, love, new life, Resurrection, suffering, the cross | Leave a comment

Seeing & Feeling / Head to Heart

Posted on April 23, 2018 by florencejoy

“Here we are, spring is literally springing up all around us. Blossom graces our trees, previously bare through winter’s seeming sleep. Fresh shoots continue to appear and many are now bringing forth colour and shape, texture and contrast. There are signs of life appearing all around: it cannot be denied; it is there for all to see; it is obvious and real and true….

….And yet my heart does not yet sing with the reality I see before me. I feel, as yet, unable to fully embrace the life that I see, the life that I know, the life that I cannot deny. The connection is not yet there. There still remains a numbness; the ground of my heart and soul still thawing after winter’s frost.

My faith feels thin. And yet I know what I know.” Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged abundance, belief, Christianity, death, depression, faith, future, grief, hope, life, life after death, new life, numb, pain, religion, Resurrection, seasons, spring, struggle, substantial faith, thin faith | Leave a comment

Making Space For Grace…

Posted on April 17, 2018 by florencejoy

“But I know that recovery is possible, restoration is possible, renewal is possible, redemption is possible, resurrection is possible.

I know I can be found again. Not by any wishful thinking that any of our past can be undone. It can’t. We must grieve our pasts and move on.

But we can be found again at the cross of Christ. We can be found again as sons and daughters of God, our Father. We can be found again because of what God made possible: when He came to earth as man, to walk with us and suffer with us, and suffer for us, paying the penalty of our sin and not-good-enough-ness and making a way through death and back to life again.

I will not find myself by pining for a person I may feel I once was. But I can be made new in Christ by facing up to myself – all the ugly bits, all the rotten bits, all the sinful, shameful bits, all the bits that have tried and failed and fallen short, all the bits that wished they weren’t, all the painful bits – the bits that really hurt – all the hidden and buried and dark and locked away bits. If I can see myself as I truly am and if I can truly face up to my own fears, failures, neediness, inadequacy and dependence – and relinquish control, relinquish independence – then I may be able to enter in to all that God has for me. Then I may be able to make space for His grace.”

“It is time. It is time for life. It is time for freedom. It is time for healing, for grace, for resurrection power. It is time for acknowledging my need of Jesus. It is time for laying down my foolish pride. It is time for repentance. It is time to stop hiding. It is time for fear to flee. It is time to let God in, to let Jesus in, to let His life-giving, death-overcoming, freedom-bringing, power-releasing Spirit in.” Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged abundance, barren, battered, Beauty from ashes, beauty in the broken, being silenced, breaking the silence, breathless, brokenness, children of God, Christianity, control, controlling relationship, death, depression, desert, desert place, desperation, expression, faith, Father God, fear, finding my voice, finding peace, forgiveness, freedom, frozen, future, God, God as Father, God's love, grace, grace of God, healing, hope, hopelessness, hurts, identity, intimacy, Jesus, joy, life, loss, loss of self, made new, neediness, new life, numb, pain, past, past wounds, present, present hope, pride, redemption, relationships, religion, renewal, restoration, Resurrection, strength, suffocating, survival, survival mode, the cross, trapped, truth, Vulnerability, wake up o sleeper, weakness, wholeness, wounded | Leave a comment

Winter’s crown…

Posted on November 19, 2017 by florencejoy

Winter’s crown Of thorn and thistle All is dying All is dead Cold winds blow On skins that bristle Coarse and harsh And full of dread Fear threatens And dark days linger Will we hear of Him again? Hushed we … Continue reading →

Posted in Poems | Tagged death, faith, hope, Jesus, life, life after death, new life, power, Resurrection, spring, truth, victory, winter | Leave a comment

November rose…

Posted on November 16, 2017 by florencejoy

November rose Pink posies against grey Integrity of green leaves That dance around the blossom There is life in her yet Cheeks that swell & blush On pale face Framed in saturated character A depth no season – No harsh … Continue reading →

Posted in Poems | Tagged belief, Bigger picture, certainty, character, Conviction, death, eternity, faith, fear, God's presence, his power made perfect in weakness, hope, integrity, life, life after death, november, poem, poetry, Resurrection, rose, suffering, trust, truth, winter | Leave a comment

In between seasons…

Posted on November 15, 2017 by florencejoy

In between seasons Autumn fading out Winter fading in Though no need to fear No need for tears For we know that death will Make way for New life And what is drained of colour now Will be revived In … Continue reading →

Posted in Poems | Tagged autumn, death, faith, hope, new life, poem, poetry, Resurrection, seasons, winter | 1 Comment

In memory of my sister, Chloe Rose…

Posted on March 3, 2015 by florencejoy

Today, 3 March, is my sister’s birthday. Chloe Rose was three years older than me. Today she would have been 34. I never met Chloe, as she died before I was born. She died in fact, at just six weeks … Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged anniversary, bereavement, birthday, Chloe Rose, cot death, death, dog rose, eternity, Father's love, God's love, grieving, heaven, hope, life, longing, loss, mourning, poetry, SIDS, sisters | 1 Comment

Hope… (now that’s better!)

Posted on February 25, 2015 by florencejoy

I woke up this morning with a picture of ‘hope’ being this future concept that I needed to somehow bring in to the here and now. The image I got was like someone with a lasso or a fishing rod(!) … Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged A Time to Gather, Catherine De Vinck, death, depression, Easter, eternity, faith, God speaking, heaven, home, hope, incarnation, Jesus, joy, kingdom of God, kite, Lent, life, life in its fullness, longing, now and not yet, poetry, Presence of God, revelation, separation, soaring, the cross | 1 Comment

The Lord himself goes before you…

Posted on January 2, 2015 by florencejoy

Today… At the gates of a new day I stand He will meet me here; this I do know He will take my hand and He will lead me And I, His child, weak as I am, will follow… Though … Continue reading →

Posted in Ramblings | Tagged answered prayer, bereavement, death, eternity, faith, God, grief, grieving, heaven, hope, Lilias Trotter, loss, New year, poetry, promises, reality, sadness, song, sorrow, the blossoming soul, Today, tomorrow, trust, trusting God | Leave a comment

Fact 30/30 – I delivered Toby on my own…

Posted on November 4, 2014 by florencejoy

January 15th 2014 Fact 30/30 I delivered Toby on my own… 2013 was, I think, the most difficult of my life. Very early on in the year, just three days after my birthday in fact, an early pregnancy scan revealed … Continue reading →

Posted in #30til30 | Tagged 2 Corinthians, 2 Corinthians 12:19, aloneness, answered prayer, baby, bereavement, bilateral inguinal hernia, blessing, child birth, children's health, compassion, contractions, death, delivery, Emmanuel, faith, God's faithfulness, God's goodness, God's presence, God's provision, GORD, grace, grief, healing, holes in the heart, Immanuel, impossibility, losing a baby, losing a child, miracles, miscarriage, missed miscarriage, motherhood, neonatal unit, parenting, possibility, prayer, pregnancy, premature baby, premature birth, premature labour, prematurity, unborn baby | Leave a comment

Fact 8/30 – My dad died when I was 7…

Posted on November 4, 2014 by florencejoy

December 24th 2013 Fact 8/30 My dad died when I was 7… Whilst we were in Yorkshire my dad was diagnosed with cancer. It had started in the pancreas but by the time it was discovered it had spread to … Continue reading →

Posted in #30til30 | Tagged cancer, childhood, death, eternity, faith, family life, healing, heaven, hope, Jesus, memories, pancreatic cancer, questioning, trust, trusting God | Leave a comment

Fact 1/30 – In my 0th year I nearly died…

Posted on November 4, 2014 by florencejoy

December 17th 2013 Fact 1/30 In my 0th year I nearly died… When I was about 3 months old I was in my pushchair in the garden whilst my dad was in his workshop (he had done carpentry training and … Continue reading →

Posted in #30til30 | Tagged answered prayer, death, faith, life, miracle, near death experience, prayer | Leave a comment

28 July 2014 – All things Toby…

Posted on October 28, 2014 by florencejoy

Hello friends, It’s been over three weeks since our last update so I thought I would fill you in on news from recent hospital visits and progress etc. A few weeks ago I was reading over some of those first … Continue reading →

Posted in Toby | Tagged answered prayer, AVSD, blessing of life, breathing difficulties, bring your soul into blossom, cardiologist, children's health, chromosome check, cow's milk allergy, cow's milk protein hypersensitivity, cranio-facial, death, diuretics, eternity, everlasting love, faith, faithfulness, feeding, feeding concerns, feeding problems, friends, G-tube, geneticist, gift of children, gift of life, glimpses of eternity, God's faithfulness, gratitude, gross motor delay, healing, heaven, hole in the heart, hope, lyrics, Metopic Synostosis, mild low tone, miracle, music, NG tube, Nutramigen AA, parenting, Prader-Willi Syndrome, SALT, short memories, song, songwriting, Speech and Language Therapy, swallow study, thankfulness, the blossoming soul, trust, tube feeding, video fluoroscopy, VSD, weaning | Leave a comment

A Barren Kind of Day…

Posted on March 12, 2013 by florencejoy

My womb feels barren today – Where are you? We wanted you so much. We were ready for you. Where is my swollen belly? Where are my tender breasts, my frequent pees, my heightened sexual mood? I think by now … Continue reading →